I unfollowed everyone.

How I am able to stay on social media

I’ve noticed this movement regarding social media and wanting to navigate away from it. I’ve seen it growing in the last few years, but especially the last few months. People I followed and admire surrendered their passwords to their friends or assistants. Logged off completely or deleted their account. Unfortunately I do not feel in a secure financially state to make any big moves, but I am finding what works for me.

I’ve set timers, scheduled posts, deleted the app, logged in on my computer and taken week long breaks. Let’s face it, it’s addicting. The dopamine effect is similar to gambling, which I have also had a problem with in the past. As a Pisces sun, I have a very addictive personality - on top of inherited generational coping mechanisms. (refer to my Substack post on “Gambling, Dementia and Cigarettes”)

35mm photo of a sunset, shot by me in Northern California

We refresh, hope for another like, comment or message. Validate me. Validate my life. Validate my work. We put our phones down and try and do our dishes, only to stop while the water is running and hands soaking wet to check one more thing? Maybe this hasn’t happened to you? Maybe I’m embarrassingly admitting too much. I have done this, as well as reply to DMs while driving. After I became sober, my screen time was unhinged. I knew every time I picked my phone it was not good for my brain, but I could not stop.

This is not some unique finding, and I am not the first to speak on this. I have struggled along side others with the icky feeling around it, while my business grew. The freedom I get from being off social media helps me to be more creative and less anxious. Eventually, the worry of not posting enough has me crawling back. What, when and how much I post, ties directly to my finances. I need to promote what I’ve been working on, in order to make a living. I need to post regularly, make more reels? When is the best time to post on a Monday? 11am? Why do I have to know this stuff. It is nauseating and exhausting. However, this is part of my job.

How do I cope?

I am ridged with my routines & practices.

• No phone until my morning pages, yoga and other routines are complete. (Usually around 9am) The dogs wake me up around 6/6:30 every morning to be fed.

• I drink lemon water and take my probiotics.

• I start the water for my coffee. I know green tea makes me less anxious, but coffee is something I refuse to give up.

• I sit at my kitchen table and do my morning pages. I journal about the dreams I had, what is stressing me out, what I want my day to look and feel like. I try and do one full page minimum. Sometimes a gratitude list sprinkled through out, usual consisting of thanking god for my dogs.

• Make a smoothie

• I do my yoga practice, and sometimes I do a Madfit workout. Usually a dance routine to Taylor Swift, but it depends on my mood.

• I wash my face, brush my teeth

I can already feel the fluttering in my stomach as I head towards my phone. Anxious someone has messaged me and saying “ I’m a fraud, they hate my clothing. I dont know how to sew, and don’t know anything about anything!! How dare I exist!!” Or the opposite. The flutter of hope? That I’ll have an email from some big wig, saying “they want to give me millions of dollars for me just being me, because I am the best AND the coolest person to exist. I’m really good at sewing. And honestly, amazing at everything I do!” Duh.

Neither have ever come true, and the panic leaves me in a heightened fight mode until I have refreshed everything a few times.

I check the weather to see what the dogs and I are getting up to, and I’m ON-line the rest of the day. I try and not refresh or use my phone while on walks with my dogs. Walking two dogs ON leash is chaotic in and of itself, but I still try and get the fix sometimes.

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Before bed it’s no phone again - I try and journal more, drink tea, wash my face, pop a couple tony’s (melatonin gummies) and meditate. I write all the things that went right that day, and how the “bad” was in support of me. I fill up a glass of water( I know I most likely wont touch) put on chapstick & nighty night.

I acknowledge what a privilege it is to be able to take this much time in the morning and night for myself. But I have created a life around these practices on purpose. I am without children and not partnered, I dont have any interruptions other than my own actions and brain. I am so thankful to be able to take this time to get my head on straight. Without it, I feel off all day. It’s like I have these chains hooked into my shoulders and spine, while someone is pulling on them from the sky. I’m an anxious puppet just dangling from one stressful action to another. I feel it deep in my muscles and bones. I can’t do anything fast enough or good enough. I’m in a rush for no reason other than - the world is ending, I need more money, I’m behind in life, and did I mention the world is ending? And on fire? And melting? *takes a deep breath* Sticking with these practices allow me to stay grounded and to get out of my own way. It opens me up, the chains lowers me back down to earth and my shoulders settle. I move with more ease and more gratitude. I can breathe.

Now that I don’t follow anyone, when I go to refresh my feed  - all I see is my last post. There are no stories for me to skip through. No posts to scroll. The explorer page is tempting and dangerous, but as soon as I open it up - I feel like the wave is going to come crashing down on me. I don’t want to see what others are doing or how they are living. I am over the comparison bingo.

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Having a larger following on instagram is an awesome thing, don’t get me wrong. I have met a lot of great people through that app and am part of such a great community. I am thankful that over 90k people want to see my work and how I live my life. Something I have always stayed true to, is NOT using my platform to influence people to buy stuff they dont need. I’ve been offered paid content promoting deals, and if it doesn’t align with my ethics and values, it’s a no for me. Which, has been most offers. I don’t consider myself a “content creator “ I am a seamstress, a fashion designer, a lover of earth, dog mom, friend, sober chick - who loves to share her life in hopes of inspiring and helping others, while also promoting the art I create.

I love sharing other artists, brands that support sustainability, vintage resellers, helping the planet and mutual aid. I want to promote local restaurants and experiences, not a link to an Amazon product. I’m not trying to shit on content creators, but this is how I personally feel about convincing people they will feel better if they buy things that hurt the planet, support terrible labor practices and hurt the economy. It is all woven together if we pay attention to where our clothing and products come from.

Substack is great place for me to share the deeper parts of me that feel relevant and connecting with others. I love this transitional state that I am in, and know that staying true to myself and what is authentic to me will only provide me with more peace. I like who I am and what I’ve created in terms of my business model and not ever feeling like a “sell out”. Thank you for sharing this space with me and letting me take up some of your attention and precious time. Hopefully my way of navigating social media and anxiety can help you in anyway. Our time here is short and I encourage us all to go within and do what feels more authentic and right for you. I am tired of playing the game. I just want to be me and share what I think is valuable<3

This is what works for me right now, which could change. It’s okay to change your mind at any given time.

With love,

Taylor, howdy & gravy.