Since early May, I’ve been driving towards the coast multiple times a week in search of good river spots. I take the 6 on the Wilson River, past the old dirt biking spots, Browns Camp & Jones Creek. I often get asked, “where is this?” I’m not trying to gatekeep, I just don’t really know? I lose service after the last general store and drive until I see a dirt road with overgrown bushes. As long as there isn’t any visible “no trespassing” signs, I like to poke around. I always find a good spot, because there are many.
I have AC for the first time in the history of my older vehicle journey. However, I still prefer the windows down on a hot summer day, music up loud and dogs panting in the back seat. Jumping back and forth from the passenger seat to poke their heads out, mouths open wide, and tongues tossed to the side.
I’m drawn to the rushing of the river because it nourishes and refuels me. I don’t care for pools or anything man made, I need nature. I chalk it up to being a Pisces, but I know I’m not the only one. It feels like my own sanctuary, where I’m tucked off in my own world. There is no cell service and a waterfall across the spot where I perch and make my home for the day. Maybe it’s still early in the season, or maybe no one comes to this spot, so far it’s always been empty.
I started coming here by myself, when I first ended things with my crush. I journaled and laid naked in the sun. Imagining how special it would be to be there with someone I liked. I’ve spent so much time alone, and I’m ready for more human connection. I imagined taking friends here and that being just as special. Charcuterie, cigarettes, flirty drinks, a good book, and old quilt to sprawl out on. Strawberries so ripe, warm from the sun in their teal molded pulp baskets. The kind you get when fruit is actually in season, fresh from the local farm stand. The smell of the river is fresh water, dry grass, warm rocks and dirt. The wet sandy paws scattered on towels, as they surround and beg for smoked fish and meats. I always cave, they will forever be broken.
I journaled scenarios of river days with a crush. I imagined him walking behind me as we make our way towards the river, following the overgrown path. Flowers stretching up to reach the sun, sprinkled in-between ferns and mossy rocks. I imagine him making a comment about my ass, and how hot I am as I step over a fallen tree. Asking if I need help carrying anything. Thinking back, everything I wanted is coming true and I want to name it. It is real. I am in a new season of my life. I want to give credit to these sweet blessings to the Strawberry Moon, but I also want to credit myself for sorting through pain and heartbreak. I want to embrace everything that is beautiful, I know this will summer will be special.
I have since taken my friend Laurel, Emily and said crush to my spot. My friend Laurel picks me a bouquet of flowers and I bundle them with my hair tie. We are in awe of our surroundings and don’t want to leave as we dance around like actual fairies. “can you believe this is real?” as we gawk at a wild rose bush. I try and convince her that she is an Oregon girly, and needs to move down here from Washington. “We could do this all the time.”
Emily refers to herself as a “river rat” as well, and we talk about summer plans, work goal and dreams. How we both need to frequent river spots at least three times a week, or else. On the way home I find a tick on my neck and frantically pull over on the side of the road. Multiple cars seeing my naked flailing body as I make Emily check me, and I do the same for her. That’s summer baby, that’s friendship.
I take my crush here and it is bliss. We swim across to the waterfall coaxing the dogs to do the same. They don’t mind swimming, but are always reluctant at first. He brings matching lawn chairs and plops them in the water. As we head home, he says “this was my favorite day with you.” It’s truly magic out there and I am thankful to have access to its beauty.
I plan on camping here this coming weekend with said crush, to escape the fireworks for the dogs. I have to hope no one else has the same game plan, because I crave the solitude and aloneness. I want to turn off and be in my own world with him, before having to uproot my whole life again.
I will be moving this month, and found an amazing Lake House that I think is mine. I’ve lived in my current spot for less than 7 months, so it feels soon and disorienting. I always knew this spot was a bridge house to get me off the farm in California, but it feels really fast. I’m trusting in the timing and seeing it’s all working out in my favor. So, I want to enjoy the in-between, being split between two places always feels uncomfortable and exciting. I’ll miss my little shed, talks with Heather at the shop, and this little house that held me through the tail end of some heavy grief and pain. I want to make time to still enjoy the sweetness and heat of summer, while also getting my ducks in a row.
A lot is changing rapidly. It’s as if everything I put on my list 6 month ago is happening overnight. I have a boyfriend, new friends, community and connections. Everything is turning a corner. Moving will be tight, but I know this new house will inspire and recharge my soul creativly which will translate to financially. I currently live ten minutes away from my boyfriend, and it’s been nice seeing him so much. It’s fresh and new and the stage where we just wanna stare at each other 24/7. Moving over an hour away will be hard, but possibly beneficial in stretching out the honeymoon stage. Our time together will be special and more planned out.
Moving is stressful, but I want to be both. I want to be relaxed and excited about the future. To be open in a grounded way that doesn’t hijack my nervous system. I want to enjoy every second of this new chapter. If you are going through a hard time, know it won’t be this way forever. I am living proof of it.
with love,
-Taylor